Apparently, social media has become the Court of Love, where relationship issues are often reported by victims or friends to victims of heartbreaks. The men and the ladies give reports of heartbreaks. Some people now have a long chain of ‘ex’ partners. A year ago, a certain lady posted on Facebook how her supposed fiancé dumped her; and then a friend of hers commented; “Ah! Again? Sorry dear.” Obviously, she’d been heartbroken many times, and now she has numerous ex-partners to her credit. What an achievement? That feeling and need to be around and be loved by someone is purely natural, but what happens when you find that one person who seem to take your breath away and you say to yourself; ‘Oh this is the love I’ve been waiting for; My World’? Does the love last forever?
Really, why do partners break-up?
Below are the major reasons, and rules which can also help you to avoid being broken hearted; if only you follow the rules.
- 1. Biting the meat you can’t chew and swallow
Most broken relationships were never meant to be. People bite the meat they cannot chew and swallow. Why sink your teeth into a meat you know you cannot chew and swallow? You desire to marry a slim lady, but you have dated this chubby lady for years, now she’s pregnant for you, and you say to your friends; ‘God forbid, I will not marry that fat girl.’ So you didn’t notice she’s fat before you spread her legs and sewed a seed in her? Oh you didn’t think the seed would germinate! I see. Hey, young lady, you’ve been dating this dude for long, and now he’s decided to propose marriage to you, and this is your reaction; ‘babe, that dude is too fat; don’t you see his big pot-belly? And to make matters worse, his body odour is hell, and he snores like a sick cow; I won’t marry him O, God forbid.’ Really? But you have been cuddling him on that pot-belly for long: now all of a sudden you have a sense of smell, did you block your nostrils all this while? You didn’t know he snores when he took you out to beautiful places and treated you like a queen, and in his house you spread your thighs open for him like the promiscuous she-goat stooping to receive the he-goat’s anointing from behind? You’re an ethnic bigot, but you’re dating someone from a different tribe, and when you’re ready to marry, you’ll tell your partner; ‘I’m sorry, I can only marry from my tribe; my parents won’t support me if I marry from another tribe,’ after you have wasted your partner’s time. Why do you go into a relationship with someone you know you can’t be serious with? Could it be a case of; ‘let me just have a taste of him, eat his money, and dump him later’? Or ‘she is cute, let me just explore the ocean betwixt her legs, and enjoy the succulent oranges on her chest, but she’s not what I want for a wife’?
For most break-ups caused by this, there are two partners; one who had negatively predestined the end, and the other who had positively predestined the future of the union. The latter often gives his/her all to make it work, thereby ignoring every inkling of a necessarily doom, whilst the former secretly mocks his/her prey. However, the player would at some point display some attitudes conspicuous enough to attract suspicion, but the innocent mind that seems to have been newly christened Endurance, turns a blind eye.
RULE 1: Only bite the meat you can chew and swallow
Disobeying this rule will leave your heart broken. A disciplined, focused, and real guy or good lady goes only for a meat he/she can chew and swallow. He/she knows just exactly the qualities he/she desires in a lady/man, puts his/her eyes on that until the dreamed partner is found. He/she never plays with the hearts of the opposite sex that comes his/her way. Instead, he/she keeps them as friends and adds value to their lives. He/she never hurts them.
You must be able to decide what you want, and then what you need, and go for it. When you play with one’s heart, another is smarter than you that would play with yours. Relationship is not a game to play the smartest one, but a divine union to glorify God and have a beautiful and happy life.
- Relationship by imitation
Some years back, a female friend of mine said to me; “Skyfoxx, I really want to have a guy in my life, I’m feeling lonely. Look at my flat mate, I envy her; her boyfriend comes around, they play, gist, and he takes her out. But I’m just there, trying to be a good girl, but I feel so lonely. I’m serious, Sky, I’m tired of being a good girl.” And I said to her; “Really, I understand how you feel. But my problem with your sudden desire is that you’re about jumping into a relationship just because your flatmate has one. However, if you must go into relationship with any guy, be very careful so you don’t make any costly mistake. The fact that your flatmate has a boyfriend doesn’t mean all is well in her relationship with him; you only see the outside. Calm down, my friend, you’re a beautiful lady with a good heart, and you’re pretty too; when it’s time, you’ll find that right man. It’ll come naturally, and it’ll be beautiful.” She agreed with me, but momentarily. She soon found this dude and introduced him to me. To her, she’d found the right man, and days of loneliness were gone. But what happened? I saw her one Saturday afternoon with bruises on her left cheek. This was her explanation; “My boyfriend beat me up. I caught him having sex with another girl. His anger was that I came to his house unannounced; he said I should have called him on the phone before coming to the house. He said I’ve succeeded in breaking his long time relationship.”
There are many young people out there who make this mistake, and it never ends well.
RULE 2: Stay on your lane
Patience is a virtue, strive always to have it. Do not jump into any relationship just because your friend is in one. You’re different from your friend, and what your friend needs or have, is not what you’ll need or have. Keep in mind always who you are, and the kind of man or lady who is worthy enough to fit into your life. Do not leave your beautiful lane and cross onto another’s lane. Do you know what happens to the rough driver who doesn’t stay on one lane? The road mechanic engineers make money from him; he bashes people’s cars just like he’s bashed behind. If you love your heart, stay on your lane; except you want to have your heart crushed on another’s lane.
- 3. Lack of friendship
A relationship devoid of true friendship is doomed for a break-up. If your partner isn’t your true friend, you have no business being in such relationship. Interestingly, there is no true friendship in most relationships.
RULE 3: Let friendship be the key
People generally have greater respect and loyalty to friendship than this thing you call ‘love’. Love is no love when it has not been greeted with challenges, and conquers such challenges. A true friend would do his/her best never to hurt you, no matter the magnitude of the challenges that come your way; for out of true friendship comes true love. I’ve heard quite a number of people say ‘my husband/wife is not my friend, though I love him/her, but I have friends we relate very well’ or ‘my boyfriend/girlfriend is not my friend, he’s just my love; my partner’. True love cannot exist when your partner is not your best and true friend. Therefore, seek first the kingdom of true friendship, and all your imaginations about true love shall be added unto you. Marriage or relationship built on true friendship is like a house built on a high and solid rock, no storm can overcome it.
- Excessive Jealousy
You don’t want your partner to be seen around or with the opposite sex, when he/she is seen talking to the opposite sex, suspicion creeps in; he/she is ‘cheating’. You follow your partner around, and when you’re not with him you monitor him/her with phone calls; if he/she doesn’t pick, he/she is with someone else ‘cheating’ on you. When your partner comes back or later pick your call, you baptize him/her with an unquantifiable amount of vituperations. You have completely caged his freedom.
RULE 4: Cut down the jealousy
Jealousy can be romantic, but when it’s excessive it can do worse harm than a rampaging wildfire. Everyone naturally loves freedom, and God Himself who created and owns you, gave you freedom. Your partner is not an expensive jewelry to be worn around, and when it’s not on your neck or wrist, it is kept at a safe place in the room where no one else can reach and touch it. Recognize that your partner is human who appreciates freedom. When freedom is caged, boredom naturally sets in, and no one wants to wallow in a boring relationship. Give your partner some space; the world is not made of just you and your partner. Instead of being the anchor of excessive jealousy by tying him/her with a very short rope, throw that unholy duty to your partner to secretly do the jealousy by offering him/her a long rope to play around. This is what usually happens when you give your partner a good space to explore his freedom; he/she gets enshrouded with the feeling that with or without him/her, you have a life, and then this partner starts to feel he/she might not be the only one in your life. Once your partner starts to think this way, two things usually happen;
- He/she gives you an undivided attention more than ever before.
- He/she becomes the jealous one.
If you give yourself to excessive jealousy and possessiveness, so much you don’t give your partner a breathing space, you give your partner the believe that without him/her, you have no life, and if such partner is the stubborn or proud type, he capitalizes on your weakness and have your emotions tortured. What happens next? You’ll resort to nagging, and no one needs a nagging bug for a wife or husband. Therefore, obey this rule and stop being excessively jealous.
- Being Yourself
A lot of adults would say; ‘if he/she loves me, he/she take me for who I am.’ Saying this shows you admit that your attitude can be unbearable. The greatest height of selfishness is knowing that your attitude is very bad and not ready to make any adjustments and change, but desires your partner to take you for who you are; you frown at your partner’s resistance to your despicable manners. You act as though your partner is a dead wood that should have no feelings, and he/she must bow to your authority and wishes no matter how unbearable these wishes can be.
RULE 5: Be to your partner what you will have your partner be to you.
Like I always say, be yourself, only if being yourself is human friendly. You can’t afford to be yourself when your attitude is bestial, for no one desires to live in the same room with a scorpion. If your attitude causes your partner to wrinkle his/her face, make a sincere effort to change and be better. Stop being selfish and recognize that your partner is not a dead wood, but a living being with emotions. When you trample upon people’s emotions, you turn them into hostile creatures; therefore, if you desire to have your emotions protected, protect the other’s emotions, if you desire to be truly loved by your partner, then christen yourself ‘Love’ and love your partner truly and more. If you want your partner to respect your wishes, respect your partner’s wishes too; be to your partner what you want your partner be to you.
- Not accepting the truth on time
I have discovered that majority of these heartbreaks are self-inflicted. If your heart is broken, there are high chances that you willingly gave your heart out to be broken. Sometimes we tie the break-up to unforeseen circumstances, perhaps it can be true, but that’s why it’s important you know that person first before jumping into that relationship vehicle. Most often, the signals blare in the air or whisper into your sub-consciousness that the person you’re dying for may never be yours. You get the inkling and choose to ignore it. Invariably, we choose to turn a blind eye to the dark corners of a book, and focuses on the bright centre. Every human is a book that needs to be studied. If only you can be bold enough to read the dark corners of every book we come across, and accept the hurting truth. How often we lie to ourselves and expect these beautiful lies to become true realities. Most of us are quick to conclude that love is blind. Love has never been blind, and will never be blind. Love sees very clearly. It’s only merciful and forgiving.
RULE 6: Learn to accept the truth on time
What is not yours will never be yours, and it’s not worth dying for. God has a partner created for every man/lady. Do not force yourself on someone. When it comes to desires, the mind is like a railway: no vehicle, motorcycle, or bicycle can travel on it, except a train. Do not seek to enter into a heart that is not meant for you, because you will only get yourself hurt when you do; just like a car would get damaged if it moves on a railway line. Tell yourself the truth when the realities of truth are still manageable, and do not let the truth be rudely thrown at you and have you shocked. For the ladies, I understand that urge to get married, especially when you are close to 30 or above 30, and so you want to do everything possible to impress and keep him. But some guys understand this weakness, and readily take advantage of it. Be calm, and be the real lady with dignity: you’ll sure get married. There is an Adam for every Eve, and there is an Eve for every Adam; therefore do be anxious and lose focus. Your own shall find you someday. Even if it takes too long, just live your life, you’ll definitely find that right partner.
You can have a beautiful and an enjoyable relationship. The key to to opening the door to the right partner when he/she comes, is solely in your hands.