A Silent Storm: Sex and Divorce

(By Peters Precious Oshone)

Most of us grew up being told nothing about sex. Or at least, our parents didn’t tell us. We weren’t even supposed to mention the word, like it was a ‘taboo’. Well, we still found our way around learning about it; we watched those movies we were forbidden to watch, we read books and magazines, we even went as far as experimenting. Whether the information we got about sex was right or wrong, it just didn’t matter, as long as it was about the ‘taboo’ word ‘sex’ then information was information.

A good number of us, especially those with the worst kind of information, got caught up in all manner of things like sexual abuse, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, ‘chronic masturbation, etc. Many refused to get more information about the subject; they remained contented with the little they knew. Then, our parents who told us nothing about sex, in conjunction with a status – oriented society, encouraged us to get married.

And so the drama started. We had thought sex was fun until we got married and realised it was work; work that had to be done regularly or periodically in order to ‘consummate’ our marital relationships. Some of us liked to have sex with our spouses regularly because it gave us the emotional release we wanted. Others didn’t care much about sex. As if by some diabolical means, often times, we discovered that those of us with the highest libido were often matched – up with those with almost no libido at all.

Relationship: young couple in a bedroom

But the biggest part of the problem lies in the fact that we are too shy to talk about it or we are just not comfortable talking about it. Our parents should be held responsible for that anyway; they caused it. And whenever any of us feels bold to talk about it, the offending party gets defensive. And so, it eats us up gradually, we get bitter and we start searching for the easiest way to suppress things; infidelity. But some of us are too discreet to cheat on our spouses and so we linger until the hatred builds up to a point where our spouses begin to irritate us. And so we decide to back out, take the exit route; divorce.

Or the story goes in another direction; infidelity, we are caught, divorce. Some of us even find ourselves being beaten and battered as a result of underlying bitterness from the bedroom failure episode. And so, we run for our dear lives; divorce!

Whether we agree or not, sex is a primary benefit/duty associated with marriage and failure to enjoy it or do it properly could lead to divorce. Many wives suffer from lack of satisfaction in the bedroom as a result of their husband’s ‘one – minute man show’. The man cannot make them reach orgasm each time they have sex and when the child – bearing years are over, the woman begins to see sex like an extra chore designed to add to her stress. If she’s the type with high libido, the temptation to find greener pastures starts setting in. Or could it be the boring wife that frustrates the fun time because she lacks experience or she doesn’t see any reason to improve her bedroom skills; after all, the man has married them and they even have kids together. And so, Mr. Man starts longing for hot sexy chics to spice up his ‘fun – time. We hear the saying being told over and over again that when a couple is in crises, two things are most likely to be the underlying problem, sex or money. When sex is not an issue in a marital relationship, other issues become easier to handle.

The ‘one – minute man show’ as I earlier called it, also known as premature ejaculation, is the number one sexual problem in men worldwide. It continues to rob many relationships of sexual satisfaction, leading to infidelity and divorce. The worse part of it is that most men with this problem do not seek help but prefer to wallow in self – pity, humiliation and embarrassment. Few men who resort to self – medication end up using the wrong treatments. These give short term relief without addressing the underlying problem. Research shows that the real cause of the problem lies deep within the body, affecting mental control and hormonal reaction to ejaculation. So, what are we suggesting? Get help from the right sources. See a doctor and get the appropriate treatment for your sexual potency. Talk about the issue with your spouse and get her to understand the progress you are making in tackling the issue. Don’t let your male ego ruin your relationship. Take the right steps.

Now, to the boring women. God bless you that you have a husband that can perform excellently in bed or at least is trying hard to improve on his sexuality. It is foolishness to keep pouring ‘cold water’ on his ‘sexual fire’ all in the name of ‘we are already married, so he should sleep with me anyhow he finds me’. Being married is not the end of your sexy body. Don’t push your husband into the arms of other women and then begin to cry ‘foul’. I have a few tips listed below, if you would care to try something new;

  • Change your house wear, house appearance and sleeping clothes. Look sexy; men like attractive women. Hide those baggy house maid – like clothes and start wearing shorts for housework. Put aside the pyjamas and make yourself feel good in your sexy lingerie or nightie. Better still, go to bed in your birthday suit and if your man is really into you, I’m sure he will appreciate the new you. Just make sure you are playing your part in keeping the fun alive!
  • Laziness in bed equals boring in bed. Make an effort to show your man some new stunts every now and then. Don’t just lay still like a log of wood. That is what makes men look for a better ‘show’ on the streets most times. Those girls could pull good stunts! Keep your man tied to you; pull all the stunts you can.
  • Change your sex location. Spice the game up a little. Sex in the same place, same time, same position makes for boring sex.
  • Don’t ask for permission before tantalizing your man. Surprise him!
  • Don’t be too self – conscious; loosen up; open up. Whether you are tired or not, don’t make it feel like you are just doing another house chore. Your man will notice and get bored. Certain research has shown that sex releases hormones that help to relieve stress. So, stop chasing your spouse away with ‘I’m tired’.
  • Be neat. No one is turned on by a dirty sex partner. Go to bed smelling nice and sexy. Same goes for the men. You don’t expect your partner to enjoy sex with you when you pounce on her all sweaty and dirty all the time.

Let’s stop shying away from our sexuality. Let’s stop shying away from an issue that has ruined many homes and could ruin our homes. Let’s teach our children about sexuality before society teaches them the wrong thing.

Say no to divorce!

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